A petite mess of style and substance. A Melbourne writer. A controversial bitch daring you to see our world differently.

Like Hell

LIKE HELL handwriting

There’s nothing more tiresome than having all of your Facebook friends literally ‘liking’ and commenting fabulous praise on your photos, posts and Statuses.

(cringe: Status looks so hideous in the plural form; if it weren’t for my “friends” liking so many of mine I wouldn’t be faced with having to deal with such an awkward-looking word.)


Yep: it’s all such a goddamn nightmare.

Take last night for example: I posted this hilarious, wit-filled Status in which EVERYONE felt the need to like and comment on (no surprises there). But the issue with this is, now you’re faced with a ghastly predicament: do you ‘like’ all of the wow you’re amazing! comments, or do you be selective in which compliments you acknowledge that you ‘like’ (i.e: do you click the little ‘thumbs up’ icon or not)?

I mean, let’s be honest: liking ALL of the positive comments is bound to come off as omg-I-can’t-believe-how-loved-I-am suprised-meets-desperate (no one wants this); yet you also don’t want to offend anyone by liking someone else’s comment (namely: the one from someone you actually like) and not others.

Yep, it’s a dilemma I’m with ALL the time. Do I be desperate, decisive or do I just throw my hands up in the air (and away from the Mac) and choose to disregard—and therefore ‘dislike’ by not ‘liking’—all said I love you so much comments? Would I then come across as unappreciative and rude?

Because, although I’m a conceited judgmental bitch, I don’t actually want people to know that I am, if that makes sense. In other words: I still want my Facebook friends to adore me and continue liking all the shit I post—and if I offend them, I might ruin my everybody loves me; just look at how many likes and comments I get reputation.


So I’ve come up with a flaky, albeit-it will do, compromise: from now on, I’m only going to ‘like’ the comments that make me LOL (or the ones from attractive, fabulous friends), and for the I don’t know why you’re blowing admiration up my arse; we don’t even converse in real life comments, I’ve decided to simply soothe their egos by posting a generic I love you all, you’re all so fabulous! comment (they wouldn’t get an individual ‘like’, clearly). That way everyone wins, right? I don’t have to sacrifice my reputation, let everyone know that deep down I’m a flaming ball of arrogance, have my likes and comments diminish or risk looking like a desperate damsel. Oh and people wouldn’t get their feelings hurt (minor detail though, darling).

Perfect. It will do for now, or until I come up with another god-I’m-a-genius game plan. God, the thought-process must one go through when popular and dearly loved! It’s such a nightmare!


Feel free to use this advice if you find yourself in a similar predicament (although I doubt you will: you couldn’t possibly be as captivating and cold-hearted as Yours Truly).


You’re welcome.



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